“Who is that?” I ask after her phone beeped and she frowned after reading the text message. I don’t want her to leave as yet.
“My ex,” she responds without thinking twice. It bothers me that he is still in the picture and with my past, Tshepo can choose him over me without thinking twice. It is just a feeling.
“You are going to him, aint you?” I ask.
Damn! I shouldn’t have asked this nonsense.
“I need to go,” she softly says.
What? Is she serious?
“To him?”
“I don’t know what to do Matt. I don’t know what to say. I just need to breathe…please,” she says with tears flooding her cheeks.
I feel like a jerk for making her cry.
“You can’t leave me Tshepo.”
“I don’t want to leave… I just need to breathe right now…” she sounds serious.
“Do it here with me. Breathe right here. Go to the bathroom…or my room…or the guest room. I promise I will give you space…just don’t go…please…please don’t walk out on me on right now…”
She throws herself on the couch and cries. I try to walk to her but she raises her hand for me not to dare. I don’t know what to do. It is my fault that she is crying. Even though I had to tell her the truth, to save myself, I am hurt by what the truth is doing to her.
Why should love be so challenging?
Why did I even allow myself to fall in love with someone again? I know how it all ends up. It doesn’t last, it never does.
I want to say something but she raises her hands for me not to dare once again!
It hurts! It fucking hurts and I need a fcken smoke.
“I need a smoke,” I say and she raises her eyes to me. I have never smoked infront of her. I last smoked many years ago.
I walk to the door, in attempt to open it.
It heats me! She will never stay with me. Not as broken and fucked up as I am. What did I even expect? No one can live with what I did.
I turn to her.
“Tshepo…I think you can go. I will see you during the week,” I say and she opens her mouth to say something but doesn’t. She raises her brows and I frown. I don’t want to hurt her. I don’t want to see her cry like that because of me. I open the door, walk out and hurry to Total Garage to get just a few cigarettes. I need something to calm my nerves.
I open the backseat of the car and sit there, with my feet outside. Watching the cars drive in and out of the filling station is kinda making me feel better. I am drunk from the whisky shots I took earlier for them damn nerves.
My alarm rings. It is eight o’clock. I switch my phone off and shove it back in my pocket. I don’t feel like praying. Why should I even bother right now? I have asked for forgiveness for so many times but God never seem to care. He blesses me with everything else but PEACE. I throw away the last cigarette and drive back to my apartment.
My heart almost skipped a bit when I see Tshepo’s car parked where I left it. Is she staying with me?
I rush to the house to find the lights off. I hurry around, switching all the lights on until I land in the guest room.
Here she is! Perfectly and peacefully sleeping. I am tempted to pull her for a hug but I don’t know when she fell asleep. I stare at her for a while.
“God, can you make her stay with me? I will stop messing around,” I silently pray. I want to give her a kiss on the cheek but I might freak her out. Earlier on she wanted space and I should give her just that.
I finally walk out and head to my room. It didn’t take me long before feeling myself dozing off.

I regret gulping on that whiskey and puffing that packet of cigarettes. My head is heavy and my throat is super dry. I need to go through some documents before I go to work. At this very moment I wish I was a freelancer. I would stay in bed the whole day and work when I feel like.
She is in another room.
The fear of losing her is creeping me up. How could I tell her the truth when she wasn’t ready to hear it? I shouldn’t have. I should have looked for help secretly and keep her, but she deserved to know. She had to know the demons I have been dealing with. Years ago I couldn’t sleep, seeing this girl each time I close my eyes.
Without putting on the slips on, I head to the guest room. I knock and open the door.
My heart is broken when the bed is neatly made. There is no sign of her and this breaks my heart. I head to the kitchen and she is not here. The bathroom door is open so she is not there either.
The clock on the wall says eight thirty.
I am not going to work. Not when I feel like this and when I am this late.
Tshepo’s phone is off, so I take a quick shower and head to Mugg and Bean to get her favourite. She loves the red cappuccino and anything with eggs.
“Hi, can I see Tshepo please?” I ask the secretary who quickly stands when she notices me. I am at MBC.
“Ohh…uhm..Tshepo?” she asks after clearing her throat. I have been here a few times and it shouldn’t be a problem to see her.
“Yes, is she in? I have been trying her cell and it is off…and I thought I should bring her breakfast.”
“I can take that for her.”
“I would really like to see her also.” I look down the passage to her door and it is closed. “Is she in a meeting?”
“Yes,” she says.
“Not a problem. I will wait,” I say while getting myself settled on the couch which is across her.
The cappuccino is definitely cold by now but she can always get someone to microwave it. I wait for a good thirty minutes before the door opens.
I am panicking to see her. I don’t know if she is mad at me or not. I don’t know if she will flip to see me in her office.
I see her first, leading her guest back to the secretary’s desk. She is wearing a long black pencil skirt and a white blouse. I love how she does her hair most times. She likes it in a clean fresh bun.
I hear her chuckle and my heart is just so happy to see that she is fine after last night.
I stand the moment I see who is behind her. Her EX-boyfriend visiting her office this early?
“Tongue twister for who? The boy needs to go stay with my mother for a good six months…he will be the one to teach you venda,” the dude says from behind and Tshepo stares at me.
Should I mention that I feel like my heart is ripped apart?
What is wrong with me?
“Uhm…Khathu, I will call you,” Tshepo says to him.
“Oh, sure!” he responds and then stares at me. He nods at me before walking to the elevator.
“You didn’t go to work?” she asks while leading the way back to her office. They were having breakfast in her office.
“I thought I could bring you breakfast,” I say and place the take-away bag on the table, next to the empty take-away boxes. She picks the empty take-boxes and shoves them in a bin next to the bin. I watch her until she sits infront of me.
“We were discussing business,” she says.
“Even if you were not discussing business Tshepo…it aint my business, right?” I ask. I am a grown ass man and I am not going to follow her around to see who she is talking to. But it bothers me when it is her EX she is seeing for other reasons other than their son.
“I waited for you last night,” she says after a little while and I drop my eyes. I shouldn’t have left. I just thought she needed to leave and I didn’t want to put any pressure on her. My news were a lot to take in. “Thank you for staying though.”
“So, this is how we are going to deal with things?” she asks as if she didn’t want to leave at first.
“I didn’t want to put pressure on you,” I say and she nods.
“When is your first appointment with a counsellor?” she asks. I don’t know. I haven’t done any bookings as yet.
“I will find good recommendations. Are you staying with me?” I ask. I need to know that she still wants me. No pressure though.
She looks sexy, for some reason.
Before she could answer, there is a knock and then the door flies open.
“Your transfer to Cape Town offices, approved. You can start packing,” a matured voice says. It is her father. I remember him from the day she gave birth. I glare at her and she drops her eyes.
So, she is moving to Cape Town? The old man walks in, stares at me, throws the file on the table and walks out of the office.
“So, you are taking a transfer to Cape Town?” I ask while standing from my seat.
“I applied for this long time ago,” Tshepo says with her eyes on her hands. I am turned on for some reason. I am fucking turned on. I walk towards her. She lifts her eyes to me.
“I thought you would want to stay with me…what changed?” I ask while taking more steps towards her. I feel like punishing her for this but I don’t want to scare her.
“I…am…sorry,” she says while licking her bottom lips. What a turn on!
I get to her and pull her for a kiss. She is not going anywhere. She lets me part her lips with my tongue. I missed this! I missed kissing her without worries.
She starts breathing heavily with my arms on her shoulders, tracing down her to her front. Her blouse is lacy, so I feel her skin as I rub my hands on her boobs. They are full!
She gasps and I moan as I continue with the kiss. I want to love her. I want her to love me. I want to prove her a point.
“The door,” she says breathlessly. I let go of the kiss and hurry to lock the door.
I pull her to stand when I return to her. She obliges and kisses me back when I plant a kiss on her lips. I swear I can taste cherry on her lips.
I pull the blouse off and her black lacy bra is exposed. I am more turned on by just a sight.
“I love you Tshepo,” I say while pulling it off her arms. I need her bare and naked. I unclip it and it falls down.
She doesn’t say anything but she is breathing heavily for me to realize what she is feeling. She feels this. She feels me. She moans as I kiss her neck, tracing my lips down to her bare breasts. Beauty is all I see.
“I love you too,” she whispers as I nipple one of her breasts. She plays her fingers in my hair and lift one leg to my waist. One hand on her boobs and one on her back, I need all of her.
She breathlessly undoes my belt. In no time, my one hand is sliding down her underwear. It is warm in there. Her clit is already swollen and throbbing.
“Don’t tempt me Matt,” she whispers.
“I don’t plan to,” I say while picking her and landing her on her table. This was one of the things I always wished to do once we are married. Now that I am unsure of our destiny, I will just have to do it now. I push the books aside and make her seat on the desk. I part her legs and quickly pull her panties aside. Black lacy number…WHAT A FREAKING TURN ON.
“Are you sure?” she asks.
I don’t know and I also don’t care.
I spread her legs and dig my tongue in her pussy. She is damn wet and it is exactly how I want it. She gasps as I turn my tongue deep inside. I still want to punish her for so many things but I should keep my shiii in the past. Punishments, obedience, all that shiii should stay in the past, where it belongs.
I feel her hands in my hair. She pulls my head in and I know she is enjoying my magic. I can honestly say I master this exercise. Her breathing tells me she is ready for me.
I pull down my pants.
“Protection!” I say with disappointment in my eyes. This is not the time to leave her hanging. This could be it between us.
“Bottom drawer,” she says in a shaky voice.
I open the drawer to find a new packet of condoms. What they are doing in her office is none of my business. All I want to do is to fuck her brains off.
I slide one rubber in and get ready to enter her. This is not how I imagined our first time. I wanted it to be after a perfect wedding…on our honeymoon.
“Are you okay?” I ask. I swear I don’t want to hurt her. I haven’t done this in a while, penetrating, I need to do her right.
“Shut up and fuck me Matt,” she says in between her breath. I pull her to her edge and slowly enters her haven.
She is tight.
It fucking hurts but I love it.
I put more pressure on and slide myself inside her with her pulling my hair. She clenches her teeth and groan as I enter the whole of me inside her. She grits her teeth as I start to hump on her.
We are in the office, no noise, but I feel like moaning her name out.
She feels like a virgin…flashbacks are tempting to disturb me but the sight of her is making me concentrate. She is beautiful. She is sexy. She is all I want.
I pull her more to the edge, digging myself deeper in her and strike her. I increase my pace with her whispering my name.
“Are you leaving me?” I ask while slumming her and digging my fingers in her creamy thighs. She doesn’t whisper but pant, struggling to breath.
I feel the edge to cum, but she comes first.
I lift my one hand to her bare chest and one hand on her butt!
“What are you doing in Cape Town?” I ask as I slam her hard on the desk.
I feel the edge to be rough and painful. I have to stop. She is about to cum when I pull out of her. She raises her eyes to watch me. Her eyes begs me to continue.
“Why did you…stop?” she asks while panting.
“Call me when you knock off,” I say while pulling out the rubber with a tissue. I am sad. I dont want to hurt her. Had I continue one more minute, I was going to roughen her up.
“What just happened?”
“I love you,” I say.
“What the f….”
I dig my fingers on her thighs and spread her legs open. I blow just a bit to calm her clit off. She winches with pleasure.
Best way to punish her with almost good sex. I am not going to play it rough. Not with her. I still want her in my life. I don’t want to scare her more than I did last night. No rough times with her. I want to leave her office but her puppy eyes are begging for more. She deserves more.
“MATT!!!!” she calls as I finish her off with my tongue. Throbbing clit, my magical tongue…she is not going to Cape Town. She is not.
“Daammnn you.” She pulls my hair with her cum.