“Take off your dress,” he orders and I am shaken. “Take off that dress and lie on the floor.”
I hesitantly take off my lingerie with my eyes on him. There is something about his voice and the way he is making his orders! Too sexy.
“Lie on your back and spread your legs.”
What? As freaky as it sounds, I find myself nodding and doing what he is doing.
Can I mention I have watched Fifty Shades of Grey so many times, he sounds like that hot rich sexy sweet dominant man, Christian? Except, this one is my boyfriend.
I slowly sit on the carpet and then slowly lie on my back.
“Play with yourself.”
I am hesitant but he nods at me.
I should be standing up and questioning what on earth he is doing, but I am liking this game. Whatever it is! I want to play it.
He watches as I start touching myself. I start with my nipples, then caress my full boobs before rubbing my hands on my stomach and taking my hand to my tong. I made sure I shave perfectly so I can take off this aswell if he wants. I slide my finger in my underwear and he watches with his eyes burning with so much desire. I wonder why is he is not entering me already???? I trace my eyes to his boxers and I can see his thingie pocking, ready to jump out.
“Continue,” he says while kneeling next to me.
“Matt?” I call for him with my fingers rubbing my skin. I am clueless on what he wants to see but he seems to be enjoying it. He puts his hand on top of mine and move it to one of my boobs. His touch makes things worse for me. I am ready for him but he seems to want to tease me instead. He wants to watch. He helps me to gently squeeze my boob and release more pleasure. He reaches for my other hand and slide it under my pants. This is weird for me. This is awkard for our first time ever.
I moan as his fingers touches the inside of my wet haven. He wants to touch me while I touch myself. He has a cocky smile on as I twitch and moan and gasp for air with each movement.
“Babe, you are not ready for me,” he whispers while helping me slide my finger deeper. I suck on my breath and close my eyes.
How does he do this so perfectly?
“You are not ready for me…and I don’t want to hurt you.”
I want to ask what he means but I am overwhelmed by the feeling. He slowly moves my finger and inserts his. I curl my toes when the second finger joins the other inside.
“Take it. I don’t wanna hurt you.”
I gasp as he ticks on the right spot. I stare at him and he smiles as if proud. He should be proud. He figured the spot and he knows what to do right there. I have touched myself before, but this is something else.
“Take over,” he says and take my hands to my pussy. He wants me to continue with what he was doing.
This is awkward but mind-blowing.
I want to come, so I take over. I slide my second finger and start thrashing it in and out with my imagination of Matt inside me. He pulls my free hand and place it on his steel iron.
I widen my eyes while the feeling is building up. I am shocked at what I use to think was a small size; and at the same time…the feeling is close. I can feel my fingers getting wetter and the feeling overpowering me.
“Damn you Matt,” I whisper as I reach my orgasm. I pull my hand away and let the feeling wave all over my body.
I control my breathing and turn to face him minutes later.
I don’t know if I should start asking questions now or if I should not spoil this moment.
He stands and leaves the room. I pull my jacket to get ready to put it on.
This is awkward! It is nothing like what I had in mind. He blew me away.
Lemme tell ya what my plan was.
I received his call this afternoon when I was home with my mother. I thought I was only going to see Matt tomorrow on Sunday after church. I was lying on bed when I decided to invade his space. I knew not to go before eight so I waited in the car. I thought I was just going to sit here with him, have ice cream and I offer myself to him. I still have a condom in my jacket. I thought we would carefully make love and we both cum before falling asleep. By sex I thought simple, nothing freaky kinda sex.
Things took another turn and I don’t know how to face him. I don’t know how to take this.
“Are you alright?” he asks while throwing the pillows on the couch. I stare at him. Where do I even begin to ask him what just happened? How do I even look at him without shying away?
“Ahha,” I say while standing. He lays a thick blanket on the floor and put the pillows too.
“Let’s camp here,” he says and I sit back down.
We sit on the floor, with our backs on the couch. I unmuted the TV and it is playing softly on the background.
“What are your fantasies?” I ask and he clears his throat. “Do you prefer BDSN?”
“Used to…not anymore,” he says without turning to me.
“Story for another day.”
“Story for another day? Are you kidding me?”
“I am not. But you don’t have to worry. That was then and this is now.”
“When were you going to tell me?”
“What? That I was into BDSN?”
“I don’t know…anything I needed to know,” I say and he squeezes my hand. I have never been with a partner like that and I was never looking for now. “What are your fantasies?”
“Non-penetrative,” he says.
“I tend to be rough. Very very rough…so…I love non-penetrative more so that I don’t hurt one.”
“You cannot handle it, can you?” he asks. I love it, rough sometimes. Not rough rough but just a little rough.
“I don’t know.”
“It is not that I cannot enjoy the normal deeds. I just don’t easily release.”
“You can’t stay…can you?”
“Is it why you didn’t want us to sleep together before marriage?”
“That has nothing to do with my fantasies or anything. I wanted us to do things right so that God can be the foundation of our marriage. I used to sex for fun…and I don’t want to do that with you.”
“Why did that…happen today?”
“I am scared of losing you because I cannot give you what you want. I am in love with you.”
I am in love with him but I don’t want to throw my whole heart into this. What if I cannot handle his behavior? What if he brings the BDSN into our sex-life again? He had those signs earlier when he was ordering me around. I am a freak as they come but BDSN? That is not my portion.
We fell asleep while watching a movie. I wake up curled in his arms. Our very first evening together and it was good. I slept peacefully. We talked the whole night, even when it was the uncomfortable topic we needed to deal with.
I drive home when he leaves for church. I get to my apartment and take a quick shower before inviting Charlotte for lunch. I need someone to gossip with.
Non-penetrative? What a waste of a hardcore steel.
Charlotte comes by after four. She was preparing for her husband’s travelling to Uganda. I don’t think I can handle to be with such a hectically busy man. I think Charlotte is made for it because she chooses to be a housewife.
“Would you take part in DBSM?” I ask her after taking a sip from my ice cold water.
“DBSM?” she asks with a frown. She doesn’t know so I shush it away.
I cannot seem to stop thinking about Matt, no matter how much I try not to think about him. I think ama go crazy! I think Matt is going to drive me crazy. He is everything perfect but…..
“How often do you make love with your husband.”
“Everyday…because of the trying…you know?”
“If it wasn’t for that?”
“Maybe three times a week? Sometimes hubby is not up for it but he does it for the sake of trying…why?”
“How important is sex in a marriage?”
“He is still stingy with his D?” she asks and laughs out loud. I am tempted to tell her how magical his eyes and hands are though.
“Ohh please.”
“They say is it not as important as being friends with your partner. You need to love each other more than anything and sex won’t matter…” she says and shrugs.
I am sitting here imagining my life with such a non-penetrative fantasy. I mean this is a game changer. But how do I disqualify someone because of sex? What about the great things they do? Also, it is not that he doesn’t penetrate. He does but he is rough. What if he is too rough and I cannot handle him? What if he is a good rough?
“Tshepo, are you alright?” Charlotte asks, snapping me back to reality.
“What’s wrong?” she asks and I shake my head.
“I am just wondering…”
“Wondering about?”
“How rough he is,” I say. Ooppss! I shouldn’t have said that out loud. Charlotte thinks I am just making this up so she cracks into a loud laugh.
“You will know when you try,” Charlotte says.
She is right!
I need to know his roughness for me to decide if I can stick with him or not.
I pick my phone and send him a Whatsapp text.

Me: Please bring a bottle of wine.
Matt: What is for supper?
Me: Pizza.
Matt: Nothing better than pizza?
Me: What did you have in mind?
Matt: Lets cook. I will be there in an hour.

“Hello…I am still here,” Charlotte says.
“And you need to go. My man is coming over for supper.”
“Ohhh. So you guys visit each other these days? I thought you were meeting only in public…for abstaining purposes.”
“You need to go,” I say and she is shocked.
I need to know what I need to know and she cannot be here right now.
“You are kicking me out, really?”
“Please…I will see you on Tuesday.”
I get myself cleaned up and wait for his text that he is here. I wait for him to knock and open the door, ready to attack. I don’t want to give him a chance to explain anything. I want to understand the roughness he was talking about before writing me off if need be.
I need to know what I need to know.
I open the door and he raise his eyes from the floor. I am wearing just a gown and nothing underneath. If we are going to be together then, I should know what I am working with.
He stares at my chest and move his eyes to my bare foot.
“Tshepo,” he says while slowly walking inside. She shakes his head and place a bottle of wine and flowers on the table. “You are gonna be the death of me.”
Bingo! He can read between the lines.