“What is going on between you and Khathu?” I ask and she keeps quiet.
I hate being made a fool but I have learnt to keep cool. I have been so angry with so many people, and that only destroy me instead of them.
“Nothing,” she says and I smile.
“Did you like the kiss?” I ask and there is silence. I wish I could see her face but I can smell her fear. I can just smell her fear.
“The one you were asking Khathu if it meant something to him or not,” I ask.
“Did you like it?”
“It was a mistake,” she says.
“I see,” I say.
Can Gean come back already now???
“Mandi, you don’t have to explain. Maybe you can just excuse yourself, you know?” I ask. Maybe she can just leave and stop pretending that we are friends when all she wants is to backstab me and make a fool of me while at it.
“Khathu said I should call him an hour before leaving…”
“Don’t worry about that, you may leave,” I say and thereafter hear the chair scratch the floor. I hear her footsteps fade away from the room.
Am I hurt by this kiss? Not really. I have done it before with Khathu when Tshepo was in the picture. I understand when one says it is a mistake.
Am I disappointed? Yes, I am. I feel betrayed. I have so many follow up questions about the event. I want to know when it happened and if Khathu felt something from it. His mother has been hinting so many times that she wants Mandiwana as her daughter in law. They might have been under pressure. Maybe it is what she was advised to do to keep the man. I mean, Khathu is everything a woman can want from a man. He loves, and when he does it, he does it all heartedly. He is the most responsible man I have come across. His children are his priorities and that is very sexy. So it is not a shock to have the likes of Mandiwana wanting a piece of him.
“Ohh, I saw that lady walk away like she was chased,” Gean says and I hear her pull the chair.
“She had to go,” I say. No need to explain myself further.
“I have great news,” she says happily.
I need some good news for a change. It has been a while since I celebrated something.
“What is it?”
“Black Women Excellency awards, the want to honour you with an award and the called to request that you come through on the day of the awards and give a speech aswell,” she says.
I should be thrilled about this, but I am not.
Since I started my events company, it has been my dream to get recognition from the BWE forum. it is now here, and I am not thrilled about it anymore.
“Can’t you receive the award on my behalf?” I ask.
“What kind of a friend will I be? I know how hard you worked to get recognition from BWE…Lufuno, I am going there with you and you are going to receive the award yourself.
“When is it?”
“Saturday…just this coming Saturday,” she says and I nod. “So let’s talk about the red wedding.”
“Red roses, red cutlery, red everything,” I say.
“What’s up? You don’t sound as excited anymore. Is there something bothering you?” she asks. Where do I even begin to tell her that Mandiwana ticked me off?
“Khathu’s mother doesn’t like me a bit…do you think it will be ideal to stay with Khathu?” I ask.
“Who are you marrying kanti?” she asks. “Khathu loves you and I am not kidding you to tell you this.
I heard this from his ex! What more assurance do I need?
“Fine. I want a red wedding. Everything red. I don’t want any other colour except the men suit.”
“This is going to be exciting…super exciting.”
We have lunch before Gean leaves me lying on the couch, listening to radio. Khathu has Marvin Gaye collection so I listen only to it when I am and I am so used to it.
It sucks not to browse through Instagram and facebook. It sucks when your phone rings and you cannot even see who is calling you, so I switched all my phones off. Everybody calls on Khathu’s phone if anything is urgent. Gean is handling the office so I bet I have nothing to worry about.
I can’t tell the time but it is after hours when Khathu walks through the door. I can smell his scent as he walks towards me. He throws himself on the couch and kiss me on the lips.
“Where is Mandiwana?” he asks after greeting.
“She left after I asked her about the kiss you guys shared,” I say and there is silence in the room.
“Uhm…babe?” he says and I sit straight on the couch.
“Please help me with a bath,” I say.
“Babe, we need to talk,” he says.
“Talk about what? Talk about how you get to kiss Mandi? Huh? What do you want us to talk about?”
“She forced herself on me…I promise,” he says while I stand from the couch.
“She told me it was a mistake and I believe her. It is fine.”
“Lufuno, please,” he says and I walk towards the passage. I kinda know my way around this house. I feel his hand on my shoulder.
“Babe, please believe me, it was a mistake,” he says and I continue to walk towards the passage, with the help of the walls.
I don’t want to dwell on this. I don’t want to discuss all this. They kissed, they kissed. I have no energy to solve all these.
I feel his hand guiding me to the bathroom. Usually I have him fill the bath tub with water before I jump in. I hear the tap turn so I stand in the middle of the room and hear the tap turn on.
I feel his hands on me. He slowly pulls the shirt I have on. I am angry at him but his touch is hypnotic. He allows me to lift my hands for him to pull off the shirt. This is his daily activity. He promised my parents that he will take care of me and he is keeping his promise.
He pulls my shirt and reach to pull down my shorts. I gladly lift my legs to take off the shorts that I am wearing.
Before I could even proceed to the bath, I feel his hand on my cookie. I wasn’t expecting it because I am angry at him. He runs his hand on my womanhood and I tend to forget all the issues I had with him. I cannot see him but I can feel his lips on my stomach, going down to my belly button and sliding down to my wet cookie. I wanted to show him how angry I am but my body is disappointing me.
“Khathu,” I say and gasp as he kisses my neck. That fast, he made from my lower body to my neck.
“She meant nothing,” he says while planting kisses on my neck. He lowers his kisses to my chest and thereafter feel his lips on my nipples. One after another, he indulges on them.
“Babe, please…” I whisper.
“I never want you to think any other woman matters,” he says while nibbling on my nipples.
“Khathu,” I say and he doesn’t stop chowing my boobs. He lifts his hand and indulge on them some more before dropping his one hand to my wet pussy. He slowly caresses my honey pot while kissing me passionately. I wish to forget about any regularities or rules, I want more of him.
He helps me to get into the bath. Once I am settled, I feel him in-between my legs. All these I can feel and not see. He has done some of these things and it is easier to tell his mood. He wants all of me.
“Khathu…” I say and he stops with a kiss.
“Don’t worry about it…it meant nothing…believe me,” he says and for some reason, I believe him.
I allow him to caress me until I am ready to welcome him in. I feel him on top of me before I could feel his manhood inside me. I gasp for air as he enters me. I was not expecting it. He slowly shags me to make me comfortable and the next thing he is riding me.
I love it.
I like it.
I want all of it.
“I love you,” he says it while humping me and I believe him.
“No…I love you,” I say instead.
We haven’t been this intimate so he increases his paces sooner than he could have. I can feel everything he is doing to me. I have to read in between his outbreaths to tell he is enjoying me, all of me. He pulls out when he is about to come. We are still not trying for a baby so he has got to own up to his pull up game.
He lets me sleep in the water, I enjoy to do exactly that after a good one. The water soothes me.
I am not going to drag this Mandiwana issue, believe me. These things happen so I am ready to let it go., even if meant something. What matters next is how he would allow Mandi into our lives. I don’t want Mandi close to our relationship anymore, so his understanding in this matter will make me decide on how I feel about their relationship.
I am not going to bring it up. Instead, I tell him about the award I am ready to receive from the BWE! He knows how much it meant for me to be afforded to get that award!
He sealed the deal. He is also happy for me to receive this precious award.
I am going to the award events and I am going to give a speech. As blind as I am, I am going to inspire someone.
Khathu is honestly supportive about this initiative and I am not going to change any of that. He worked on getting me as much coverage as he could, and I am ready for any outcome.
On the day of the event, Khathu promised to get ready with me. He and Gean got me a hair dresser and make-up artist. Gean got me a long cocktail dress and I believe her choice through fabric that I could feel – it was expensive.
Apparently I have a long white gown which has sparkling marble train. Gean and Khathu mentioned how perfect it looked and I believe them.
“All these women look elegant just like you,” Khathu says when I ask him how everybody looks like. I needed to get a feel of how the event looks like.
“Do they look happy?” I ask.
“They look over joyed. They look extremely happy,” he says and I smile. It didn’t matter if he lied or not. I want a happy vibe.
This is my very time to make my public appearance as a blind woman. As much as it could encourage another woman, I also need that assurance that everything will be fine. I need someone to honeslty tell me that everything is fine and I have everything under control.
“I am honoured to introduce to you, Miss Lufuno Mudau on our stage,” I hear a beautiful voice announce before Khathu helps me to stand. The time is now! He squeezes his hand on mine as he helps me to the stage.
“They are all smiling at you,” Khathu says as he leads his way to the stage.
“Do they have flowers in the room?” I ask him.
“Roses…white roses,” he says as he continues to lead the way to the stage. He helps me to stand in what seems to be the center of the stage.
“I would like to introduce to you…my wife to be…the queen, Lufuno Nengwenda,” Khathu says and the room is filled with applause.
When did I become a Nengwenda?
“You can now speak,” Khathu whispers and I nod.
“I am not a Nengwenda but a Mudau,” I say and I hear giggles in this same room. Khathu places his hand on my back to tell me that I am ready for the ‘big thing’.
“Thank you Black Women Excellency for picking me up to be the best woman for the year 2018,” I say and I hear applause.
“I wish you could stop focusing on what I can do best…and focus on the things I cannot do…but still be a strong woman that I am expected to be. My name is Lufuno Mudau and I know and feel that I am expected to be more than I can be. I am expected to be strong and I am. I am expected to be understanding, and I am. I am expected to be an all-woman and it is super hard. I am expected to be strong and understanding but honestly, I just need to understand, that’s all that makes me a perfect woman for my partner. I need to be understanding.”
Khathu squeezes my hand as I continue my speech.
“I currently run a multimillion events company. I would say that I know what I am doing there, but I kinda have no idea. I just work harder than a normal average person to make it work, that’s all. I made a million mistakes but life gave me a chance…and I want you to accept the chance that life has given you. I am now blind but still has to make it work. I used to perfectly see my haters, but now it is impossible and I cannot now give them a chance to hate me more. I choose to be stronger than I was a day before. I choose to do better than I did yesterday. I choose to love more than I did before…so allow me to tell you that I am in love, even if it is for the tenth time. I need that chance in life. I need that tenth chance to be the best. Stop expecting me to always win. I want to fail a bit before making it happen. I need to have people backstab me to say I did it. I need people to leave me and have me stranded for me to say, I worked harder to make it happen. So all I am saying is, it is alright to be disappointed. It is alright to wish for the best and receive lesser than you expected. It doesn’t change anything about you. If you are strong, you are stronger. If you are destined for the best, do not apologise for the truth.”
“You are doing great,” Khathu whispers into my ears.
“Thank you for recognizing my greatness. You gave me life. You gave me a reason to live my life. I needed someone to make me realise that I am worth it,” I say. I mean it. “Thank you for this recognition.”
I can hear people applause me.
I think I did great.
Whether I am married to Khathu or not, I am grateful for what he did in my life.
“Thank you for that,” Khathu says as he helps me down the stage. “I needed to hear that.”
“You needed what?”
“To be reminded that I cannot always be strong. Sometimes I need people. I need people to show me the way.”
“Thank you for being there.” I squeeze his hand as we walk back to the table.
He lets me sit.
“Lufuno…you are a very strong woman…believe me…I love yo,” Khathu says. I have heard this and I am starting to doubt it.
“Babe, I know you love me,” I say. I don’t care what the likes of MANDIWANA is doing.
“I want you believe me. Whether you see me or feel me right now…I want you to believe me…I love you. Please marry me,” he says.
What does he mean? He has proposed before.
“I want you to agree to marry me again…please babe…can you marry me?”
This is hard.
I do not see and what if I will never see again? What if I turn to be permanently blind? He could easily go on with his life and not choose me.
I am scared.
“I have never loved a woman like I do…please,” he asks.
“Babe,” I say.
“Please?” he says and I finally nod.
I hear a room filled with applause before he slid another ring in my finger.
“Khathu?” I ask.
“They had to witness this.”
“You had a mic on? I never thought.”
“I did,” he says and kisses me. He proposed to me. This time infront of a thousand of people,
I want to marry him. Mandiwana saga or not…I think I am the one for Khathu.