THE ONE

INSERT 67

TSHEPO

“In Jesus name, Amen!” Matt finishes the prayer and I keep my eyes closed.
Really? An hour of prayer…really?
He shakes me and I shoot my eyes open. I am mad at him…but not really mad you know? The things he said in that prayer were the sweetest but I wasn’t told that I will spend an hour on my knees. I stayed on my knees for maybe fifteen minutes and I sat on my butt and listened to this man speak to God. I even got lost in my own imagination. He was speaking in tongues and I was here finishing our deeds in my head.
In my head I played out what we were supposed to do. He should have finished rubbing my boobs and running his warm hands all over me. He was supposed to pull my panties off and let me spread my legs right there on the table. He should have eaten me for dessert. I was ready to scream his name. I was ready to play my fingers in his hair as he plays his tongue inside me. He should have pulled me down, let me lock my legs on his waist as he carries me to the couch. I would have been ready after that head and I was going to pull a condom from my pocket. I would have welcomed him in. All of him inside me. I would have gasped for air with each thrash. He should have whispered good things while riding what is now his.
BUT HE DIDN’T. Because PRAYER!!!!!
Lord forgive me for my sins.
I am shocked though.
The discipline?? Out of this world.
I stand from the floor and hurry to the bathroom. It would have been rude to sneak out while in prayer but I need to pee and clean up the mess that was caused by my horniness.
“I am sorry I forgot to mention about the prayer,” he says from outside the bathroom.
“It’s fine Matt,” I yell back. It is not fine.
“I know it is not fine,” he says.
I flush the toilet, fix myself and get back to my prayerful boyfriend.
“Its nine…I should be getting home,” I say. I would have loved to continue and sleep over but I am not rushing things. Also, I need to get ready for work tomorrow.
“I will drive behind you,” he says.
“Phhssss…please…I drive after midnight alone. I am a big girl,” I say while walking to the living room. I put my shoes on and pick my bag from the chair.
“Am I seeing you tomorrow?” he asks. I would love to but I need to be with Kgosi.
“Saturday maybe?”
“Saturday it is,” he says and reach to kiss me. We kiss but not enough to take us back there. I wouldn’t stand another rejection.
I was so close…so close into getting some.
He walks me to the car and insisted he drives behind me until I get to the estate.
Too sweet!
We didn’t even discuss about him moving out. I need to get my apartment back and find a nanny for Kgosi.
I leave a message on Neat_it website to get a nanny. I just need a middle age woman who can stay-in. I am tired of sneaking in my father’s house. He still doesn’t want with his spare key.
“I thought you said it was just dinner,” Mom says just when I enter the living room.
“And prayer,” I say.
“Prayer?”
“Yeah prayer meeting,” I say. “Long story.”
“Who is he?” she asks. I don’t want to talk about him. It is too soon.
“Who?”
“Oh please Tshepo,” she says while placing a tea cup on the table. “Are you aware that you have been having lunch or dinner once a week since Kgosi was one month. Are you working things with Khathu?”
“Never. I am never getting back to Khathu.”
“So who is this guy you meet up with every week?” she asks. She wouldn’t judge me if I tell her. Remember I said she is more white than black? But I am not telling her about Matt.
“Ma, there is nothing to tell.”
“Alright. I am sleeping with Kgosi today so that you don’t wake him. I already put him in my room since I was not sure if you were coming back,” she says.
“Ma, I am fine. You should stop worrying about me. I am fine,” I say and she nods. I think she thinks my breakup with Khathu has left me heart broken. I am just disappointment but I have Matt to get to know. We might have a slight problem but it is too soon to tell.
I ask Mom to get Kgosi for me. I think I am too attached to my son.

*****

Charlotte’s husband is working on an international project so she has so much time in her hands. So she brought lunch for me at work today.
“How is the baby making project?” I ask while sipping on the Dry Lemon.
“I missed my periods but I don’t want to celebrate too soon,” she says. I nod at her and continue to bite on my food. “We need to go shopping when you knock off.”
“What are you shopping for?”
“Let’s get lingerie…I saw this red one that my husband would love and you can get something sexy to show Matt.”
“No thanks…I’ll settle for a vibrator instead.”
“What?” she laughs.
“So I went to his house last night…my apartment, yeah…he cooked supper and we had a moment…a steamy moment…he was touching me, kissing me and I was dripping wet…and then at eight o’clock his prayer reminder rang and he stopped. Just like that. He stopped,” I say and Charlotte is shocked. Yah, I was shocked myself.
“But come to think of it…if he ever comes by the house…he usually leaves before eight.”
“But I think he has a problem…a serious problem.”
“What problem?”
“I didn’t get a chance to slide my hand inside his pants…what if his thing doesn’t stand? Look…stop laughing. I am serious. Charlotte, we were making out, his hands on my boobs and my thighs and then he just stopped? No maannn…I think there is something wrong.”
“So what are you going to do if…if it doesn’t stand?”
“Well…I will have to pass.”
She laughs. This is not a laughing matter.
“Okay look…Matt is a PK and you should know that he is too disciplined. So, I don’t think he is disabled…I think he just had to pray.”
“For a damn hour when I am there, ready to devour??”
My phone rings and it is him.
“Hey you…” I say while standing and walking to the window.
“Are we meeting later? Ice cream…movies…whatever you are up to.”
“Movie and ice cream sounds cool.”
He cant get enough of me. I thought we were only meeting tomorrow.
“Should I pick you up after work?”
“No, we will meet there.”
“Okay, I will text you the movie time later,” he says and hangs up.
I walk back to my seat and throw myself there.
“What’s up with a pale face?”
“What if Matt is one of those? One of those men who spoil you to compensate for the bad performance?”
Horror!
Two o’clock we leave the office to the mall. Charlotte buys two sets of lingerie and I pick a black set. It might in hand the next time. A vibrator is damn expensive YOH! I mean the one I was eyeing is over three grand.
Matt chose a five o’clock movie. Probably so that he can make it for PRAYER at eight. We were about to purchase tickets when he said, “Tshepo we need to talk.”
“What’s wrong?”
Do we have to break up so soon?
Am I not the right woman for him perhaps? I didn’t pray for over fifteen minutes last night, did he judge me?
“I feel like fish…lets go down to Ocean Basket…do you mind?” he says and reach for my hand. Oh, by the way, he likes to show affection in public. That is just a bonus. He leads the way out and I follow behind him.
I am right here panicking. I hate the: we need to talk line.
We order drinks. No wine for me tonight, I am breastfeeding later.
“I wanted us to talk about sex and us,” he says.
This is rare. It is not always that you bluntly discuss sex like this.
“What about sex?”
“I like you damn much and I want to marry you,” he says and I smirk. Not that I don’t believe him but this sound rehearsed. “You know why I like to pray? Because God guides my steps, right? I want God to guide me and you until we are married.”
Oh! Pastor’s kid.
“So?”
“So, I don’t want to spoil this…” he says and pauses when the waiter was walking towards our table.
The waiters place the pans infront of us. I pick the fork and start digging on the stir fried veggies.
“I don’t want to spoil this by jumping into things. I want to do things right.”
“What is the right thing to do?”
“Wait to get married before we have sex?”
Oh Lord! I should save up for that vibrator.
“Are you kidding me?” I ask. How long are we going to take before we get married?
“Look at it this way…according to Christianity, sex before marriage is a sin right? I used to do it and it was meaningless…very meaningless and I was once engaged, you know…and I think it was our foundation that caused our separation. Believe me, I know what I am talking about. And I want to marry you so I want to do things right.”
I laugh.
He can’t be serious.
We can have meaningless sex, I am fine with that.
“So what do we do in our relationship if we don’t…uhm…dance?”
“Build our careers, live our dreams, get to know each other well and go through pre-marital counseling when we are ready to get married…”
“Hold up.”
“Yeah…”
“You are not joking?” I ask and he shakes his head.
“Look I don’t want to change you so I won’t be expecting you to pray with me for an hour and go to church every Sunday but I would love it if we do it together…but I will never put pressure on you. But I took a decision to hold up a bit with intercourse.”
“Matt are you gay?” I ask and he stares at me.
No! I need to know. Which man on earth doesn’t want sex? Which handsome man doesn’t want to sex a woman like me. He wears unbelted pants and is too neat.
“I am not gay.”
“Then why…” I shake my head. I can’t even finish my sentence.
“Look…This will make us stronger…”
“And what if I can’t keep up?” I ask and shrug. He stares at me for so long I am starting to feel bad for asking. It now sounds like all I want in this relationship is sex. I would love some.
“I wouldn’t want to lose you,” he says.
Then sex me up! Okay, I don’t say it but what could be so hard?
I grab my bag and search for the receipt of the lingerie I just bought for him. I am not going to attempt to wear it for him because I won’t stand the rejection.
Bingo! I found it. I am returning that thing and buy myself something more useful.
“Are you alright?” he asks sweetly.
“Yeah…sure…”
“Look, just go and pray about it,” he says and I fake a smile. “okay maybe not pray about it but please think about it.”
“Sure…”
“Tshepo please work with me. I want to be with you. I want to marry you.”
Why is he so perfect and imperfect at the same time?
My life is going to be so boring.
“Matt…”
“Babe,” he says and I shake my head.
“Is it possible?”
“Yes, it is.”
It’s impossible.
No sex…until marriage?
“Can I quickly send a message home?” I ask while pulling my phone from the bag.
“Oh yeah…go ahead.”
I lied.
I just need to make a quick order for myself.
“G-spot, Rabbit or egg vibrator?” I thought to myself as I browse through to this website!!!