I am all smiles.
Brother man walks into my ward with take-away box from Wimpy and a cup of tea. Damn the boy looks nothing like yesterday. He is wearing a brown tan suit and a light blue shirt, tucked into an unbelted pants…I had to be specific. He slightly bends when putting the food on the table and I see the silver side adjusters on his pants. Those pants fit perfectly and I swear I can trace the six pack underneath the shirt. He has trimmed his beard and has his hair styled, nothing like yesterday.
I am sitting here, all wet, staring at my tenant and wishing to shout, “Haalleeluyah!”.
Why do I have to be in this hospital? In pyjama sets all day?
“They didn’t have freshly baked muffins, I got you a slice of cake instead,” he says with a smile. I swear this guy has invisible dimples.
“Thank you…that is even perfect,” I say.
“How did you guys sleep?” he asks while sitting at the corner of the room.
“We slept well, thank you. How did you find the apartment,” I ask.
“Very…artistic and cosy. I can tell you are a best interior designer,” he says.
Oh he knows that I am an interior designer?
What more does he know about me? I bet Charlotte told him almost everything. I will just await for our date when I am out of this pyjamas. When I am slaying in a perfect dress or jumpsuit, I just can’t wait to be myself again.
“So…do you always dress like that for work?” I ask and beat myself up in my head. That was a very stupid and embarrassing question.
Why did I even ask?
“Most days…if I have meetings and need not to be in a workshop. Why? Is it too basic?” he asks.
“Too basic? No, its…dope,” I say.
Who calls what he is wearing basic? Basic is a checked shirt and brown chinos paired with brown shoes. This right here is what I like the most, perfection.
“Dope? I can accept that,” he says with a charming smile.
“So, ain’t you running late for work? It is already after seven?”
“You are right,” he says after checking his watch. It’s like he snapped out of a dream. He promised to come back in the evening but I kindly stopped him. My father asked once who he was and I told him a friend who brought me here. I don’t want my parents to find him here again or else I will never hear the end of it.
He agrees, provided that i will still go on a date with him once I am out and ready to do so.
Khosi and I are discharged on a Wednesday morning. My boy is doing just fine and the breastfeeding is helping with jaundice. I was assured that he is fine and all I need to do is to sit with him in the sun sometimes so that he gets the sun rays to his skin.
My mother prepared a guest room for us. She arranged the baby furniture in it and my bed. Atleast it has a balcony and it is where Khosi and I will spend most of our days.
“Would you like a cup of tea?” Mom asks from the door. Khosi is sleeping and I am coming from a shower. It feels good to be home, without a big belly. All I need to do is to wear this uncomfortable belt to shrink the belly back to normal.
“Ma, more tea? No please,” I say. I pee every thirty minutes because of this tea I drink every minute.
“Okay, please take seat,” she says while getting comfortable on the bed.
I am not ready for this talks about Khathu and the cultural things he has to do. Can we just by pass all of that? I honestly do not have a problem with skipping rituals.
“Ma, I am not ready to talk about Khathu and what he needs to do with his family, I am fine…very fine without those things done,” I say while sitting next to her.
“Your father and I were talking…and I said I will speak with you,” she says, “We know that you are young and I am worried about you Tshepo. I want to take care of the baby so that you can go on with your life. I have nothing to do here other than the restaurant and you need to live a little, you know?”
“Maa,” I whisper.
“Your father and I don’t want you to stress about anything. We need our baby girl back. I saw how you were broken about the pregnancy and being alone…so you can consider this once the baby stops breastfeeding,” she says.
My parents want to give me my freedom back, how nice?
“Maa…thank you and daddy…but I have got this. I want to be a mother to my son and I am ready to do this alone, with your help ofcourse.”
“Tshepo, I just want you to be happy, do you understand?”
“I understand and I don’t think anything can make me happier than being the best mother to my son,” I say. I am content and I swear this is what I want t do. “Okay, I will bring him for some weekends when I have to gallivant and go on vacation.”
“Alright…come here,” she says while opening her arms wide for a hug. “I am proud of you.”
“Thank you Ma.”
“So, who is he?”
“The guy who was lingering around your ward the whole day on Sunday? The one who drove you to the hospital and how did he get to your house to drive you there? I thought Bakang was ready to do that?”
I knew it was coming. You would swear Matt is the father of my baby, hence the nurses pulled him to the delivery room.
“He is my tenant…he arrived on Sunday morning instead of Monday,” I say.
“And he was there earlier than all of us and also left after everyone else?”
“Ma, I don’t want to jump the gun. He is just a guy, okay? I am never ever going to get myself fall in love too quick…that thing called love is wicked. The chest pains you get when you are hurt…I cant deal.”
“That is not how you should leave your life. You had a bad experience with Khathu but that doesn’t mean the end of the world and you shouldn’t punish yourself for any of that.”
“Ma…I am never getting myself hurt ever again…first it was Tokello, then Khathu? Come on Ma…I should just change how I do things.”
“What? I don’t want to be hurt ever again…so I have got to guard my heart.”
“Fine, I understand…so then do not get into any relationship,” she says, “because now you are never going to open your heart for the next man in your life and that is unfair. It is fine you were hurt twice but that is now how things will be for the rest of you life.”
I shake my head.
“So what do you want to do? Tell me?”
“I won’t give all of my heart because when it gets pierced, it is too painful.”
“That is unfair. Why bother get into a relationship if that’s the case?” she says and I shrug. I wouldn’t mind a Matt in my life but I am scared of the unknown.
Is it wrong to guard your heart and expect the worst?
We debated about relationships until she gives up and leave me sitting alone, just wondering. She made sense in most of her statements. Maybe I don’t need a Matt in my life until I am ready to give my all. It is either all of my heart or nothing, right?
That is unfair.
Maternity leave is awesome but it is not as luxurious as Instagram makes it look. I haven’t even logged on Facebook in ages and I don’t remember when last I scrolled my timeline on Instagram. How does everyone look so perfect with best pics of them and the baby? I am literally on my toes every two hours and I haven’t even started with my exercises to kill the baby fats. My mother helps me during the night so that I sleep and she retires in the morning. Isn’t she the best?
Today is a Monday and Charlotte is sleeping over tonight. Her husband is travelling for a conference for two nights.
“You are quite good at this baby thing,” I say to Charlotte who is rocking the baby from the chair. We are seated by the balcony, drinking tea. It is funny how I never missed a drop of wine. Khosi comes first.
“Babies are just so adorable,” she says and smiles at Khosi who is almost falling asleep.
“Are you also trying for one?” I ask and she nods. She has sex all the time…that explains it.
“Isn’t it funny how some people who need a baby never fall pregnant easily?” she asks.
“Come on, your time will come.”
“I have tried everything….everything Tshepo. I am even afraid to see the doctor. What if he picks a problem?” she sadly says. “And I get worried…what if I will never give my husband a baby? Will he stay with me?”
“What? You know he loves you for you…come on Charlotte,” I say. I hate it when she is like this.
“Have you tried that ladies app? I forgot the name but I used to use it with Tokello so that I don’t fall pregnant coz we used protection for just eight months and after that it was…raw,” I say and she smiles. She is coming back.
“What app is that?”
“I will get the name for you…but it used to accurately calculate my period days and ovulation period…so I used to stay away from Tokello on the danger days so you will use it to track when are you most fertile.”
“That sound like a scheduled sex,” she says.
“You probably sex up the days that you are least fertile and by the time you are fertile you are tired and not craving any sex…try it and tell me how it goes,” I say and sneak a wink.
“Listen to you, all educated about sex and all,” she says and I laugh.
What do I know? I use to love crazy and spontaneous sex and you can never win while using a condom. I was crazy back then. We used to make love in the beach at night. The cinema rooms were my favourite. Having to bite my lips hard to avoid making noise turned me on and gave me joy. I was funky like that.
“So, tell me about brother man,” I say. “Why is he single?”
“Uhm…do you want the truth truth…or the diluted truth?” she asks. “Let me go put the baby down.”
She walks inside to put Khosi in bed. I am here sitting, wondering if I want to hear unfiltered truth or the opposite.
“I want the truth,” I say while Charlotte takes a seat.
“He is a very nice guy…but apparently…he doesn’t do the bed and all.”
“What is that?”
“He is a Pastor’s youngest son so he does things differently…he doesnt do the ding-ding.”
“So he is one of those Christian brothers? No wonder he is caring and all things wonderful,” I ask and she nods. “So is he a virgin?”
“I don’t know…I don’t think so…but a guy like that can never be a virgin,” she says and laugh.
“How do you know Charlotte?”
“He was engaged and he was too touchy with his past partner…but since then he has been struggling to get a woman…I think it is because he doesn’t get sexual with them and they lose interest.”
“No, that can never be a reason Charlotte…what about those church girls? He can get a perfect church girl to wed,” I say and she shrugs.
“He wants you now,” she responds and laugh.
“Dude, I am a freak in bed…I don’t lie on a bed every day…I want sex in a parking lot and all those fun places…what is he going to do with me? Plus…I have been craving for some ding ding and if I end up with him then I will cheat on him.
“Sies Tshepo,” she says and I laugh.
“I am kidding…I can own a dildo and help myself in the bathroom after our evening prayer…I am just worried about the reason why ladies don’t stick around. That guy is fiinneee.”
“You Tshepo can own a dildo…some can’t so if he is not servicing then they can’t keep him.”
“Maybe he does sleep with them but is a flop or it is too small,” I say and we blast into a laughter. That will be a waste of his sexiness.
“You are crazy Tshepo Maake,” she says while wiping her laughing tears.
“Look…I am kidding with you. I can teach him a thing or two so that is not a big deal…he looks like a nice guy.”
“He is a wonderful guy. I know you will be happy with him.”
“So if I ever end up with him…are his parents going to accept me with a new born?”
“That should be the least of your worries.”
“Pastor’s son…” I chuckle, “Do you know that those are the worst players?”
“Ohhh I am telling you. Maybe he plays them…I don’t think he deprive them sex or is a flop…what if he is the one breaking hearts and playing the victim? I don’t trust people anymore.”
“Not every man will do to you what Tokello and Khathu did to you.”
“I know…I am just saying.”
“So when are you going on a date?”
“We chat almost every day but I will meet him when I am back to my slaying days. I am not in a hurry. He has seen me in my worst days so he has to see who I really am.”
“So you are going to give him a chance?”
“Who knows?” I shrug.
Imagine if he is a virgin? Lord! I am too educated for him.